🧪 Subject Name: Olli Jenkins
🐟 Big Three: pisces ☀️, libra 🌙, scorpio ⬆️
❤️🔥 Likes: furniture pieces that look like they came from the first Incredibles movie, Mowalola mini-skirts, whipped cream, themed parties, and The Last of Us
🤢 Dislikes: the idea that being nonchalant is cooler than being vulnerable, olives, rough textures, and headphones that just won’t connect to bluetooth
🤓 What I’m reading: The Word for World is Forest by Ursula K. Le Guin
🔁 On repeat: So Cold by Tkay Maidza and Void by Yves Tumor
💡 Next creative project: turning an old CD rack I found at Goodwill into a graphic novel holder/modular ambient light fixture
👀 Who’s insta I’m stalking: @catsinrick - just posts of kittens sitting inside Rick Owens shoes.
🏃🏻♀️ Quote I can’t escape: “In order to have the life you want, you have to destroy the life you have.”
Welcome to my digital space 💘I’m so happy you’re here!
Now that we’ve got the small talk out of the way, I want to do what I do best: dive into whatever I’m feeling the most introspective about today.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about what I want the touchstone of my life to be. As a creative entering my 20s, I spend a lot of time balancing my current responsibilities and future desires. All while trying to ground myself in the fact that I have control over nothing except myself.
I’ve spent the past couple of months trying to pin it down. After an obnoxious amount of journaling, I have a word for it: upgrading.
To me, ‘upgrading’ is the cyborg-girl aesthetic term that grounds me in the fact that as I get older, I learn more, and am able to add more to the form that I am creating for myself. I grow stronger as I gain new skills, abilities, and reflect on the now-retired versions of Olli that previous updates had to leave behind.
That is not to say that any experience I’ve had has been wasted. Everything that I do now, I do for previous versions of myself. If I get a little stuck, I think to myself: what would they have wanted? What knowledge do I have now that they gave to me? How are my actions in all areas of my life carrying them to where they deserve to be? And if I get atrociously, disastrously, and apocalyptically stuck, I picture the past self that I want to truly be my best for: a third grade Olli with the Winona Ryder pixie cut, knee-high orange leather boots, and the kind of joy and curiosity that can only be described as magic.
I once heard that the version of yourself that you are now is the one your childhood self would feel the safest around. I think that’s close, but I want to go a little further: I think being your best self is not just about giving past versions of who you are a chance to rest. It’s more that each time you upgrade, you have more and more of an opportunity to honor the selves you had to be in order to get to where you are.
All of that is way easier said than done—I have to practice it every single day! But for anyone out there who might need a little help getting started, I’ll give you this to come back to when you get lost in yourself: be present. All the things that are yours will come to you if you are truly in the moment, and doing your best to put in the work and showing up as your authentic self every day. You are already everything you need.
Being a part of a fresh batch of Pixel Bakery creators is the next addition to my motherboard. All the work I do here will be driven by who I had to be to get here, and will propel me into whatever form I am meant to take next. See you in the next stage of the metamorphosis. 🐛🦋✨